Written in December 2016. Posted now because it seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth before.
Have you ever had a moment where ther light bulb just clicks on?
A moment where you finally grasp a concept that you had been misunderstanding for far too long?
That moment came to me 6 days ago.
It wasn’t one of those ‘Its a new year lets try and temporarily change something then completly forget about it in 2 months” kind of deals.
It was a moment where I felt vunerable and completly foolish, because everyone had been telling it to me for so long, and I would nodd respecfully and agree. But never change a thing.
THIS MOMENT WAS BIG
The only other thing I can compare it to, was the moment that I realized how stupid I was in high school for reading summaries for every single book on the reading list, instead of finding a passion for reading the poetic words and comprehending the stories. I felt ashamed.
But alas…. We can’t change the past (#Hakunamatata), we can only grow and mold ourselves eventually into knowing more!
If this blog post does anything, its for me to inspire other people to try and take a look at what dark lightbulbs hang above their heads. I am in no way forcing you to confront them or try to turn them on, because it all comes with a specific time and a place. But I want to share my eye opening moment so that once your shining light burns bright, you too can bask in the glory with me.
“Make sure to take some time for yourself” They say as I sit looking exhausted with a tantruming toddler on my knee, unwashed hair in a bun and frumpy ill fitting mom clothes. My body rolls where I don’t want it to. Make up is a thing of the past and all I want to do is sleep for a centuary. That was my life.
I don’t want a sculpted body. I love my curves. I just wish I had fewer.
I don’t want an expensive spa membership and make over. I just want to look in the mirror and think “Wow, my outside reflects my inside.”
I don’t want my finger to be pricked by a stray spinning wheel and sleep for 15 years. I just want to get out of bed with a thought, a purpose and mostly, self love.
It may seem to some that these are really simple tasks that I can just DO! But I couldn’t. Not until my light bulb moment happened.
It was after I threw my backout at the age of 26, three days before Christmas 2016 and couldn’t move without pain for 5 days. It was after spending 4 hours in the ER for xrays and meds, a house of chaos, and feeling compleatly and pathetically out of control.
How could I end up this way at such a young age? This was not right.
So I need to make a change. Once Christmas was over, I decided not to wait another second for my ‘New Years Resolution.” I started on a whim. I created a pattern, a system. Waking up early (I am a night owl by nature.. early mornings make me break out in hives and want to vomit… #onlyjoking #butseriously), doing yoga (until my back is 100% healed, then I will do yoga and cardio) and taking 2.5 hours while Munch sleeps to write, bullet journal and just be myself.
It has been 6 days and I am so proud to wake up every morning. I look forward to my tea and reflection. I bask in the rising of the sun and never rush myself.
I am who I am. And I want to love me so that I can love others.
Reach out if you need help flipping the switch in the comments below! If you have had a light bulb ding for you… Tell me about it! I want to rejoyce with you!
*Cheers and Happy thoughts*