I generally don’t like pictures of myself, let alone candid photos.
I get a twist in my gut of self-consciousness and usually delete it upon viewing. I know I really should kick the habit, but admit it, nobody truly loves every selfie that they take.
Recently however, Munch has learned to steal my phone and usually takes hundreds of blurry and generally repetitive images. I laugh and bulk delete after seeing 200 images of our dogs furry snout repeated at about 10 different angles.
But today, Munch caught me off guard. As I went to delete the photos, I came across one of me that he snapped when I obviously wasn’t looking. It is not flattering at all. My hair is in my face, I am not wearing any make up and pretty much look like a floating head above my laptop. But it did something to my heart that I didn’t expect and it struck my fancy so much that it created an amazing memory.
Munch captured me in my element, my passion. I was sitting in my happy place, with him playing in the room at my feet while I was immersed in a world of my own creation. I was writing my novel.
To view myself through his eyes, I realized that even though I am mostly harsh on myself when it comes to my looks, my almost 3 year old son sees me differently. He sees me excited about writing, a little messy, loving and always on the move.
He sees me as ‘Mom’.
For the first time in a long time, I appreciate being me.
Everyone has their demons. Some face them, others slink away. I am going to stop running and face the music. Because I am a passionate and loving mother, wife and now writer. It is time to be better for all those things I dedicate my life to. It is time for some change so that I can be happy with myself.
On that note, let me go and chug this wheat grass shake, strap on my nikes and go for a 12 miler. (JK. I think I would die.)
I pray that if you too are having the struggle of seeing who you truly are, take a moment to appreciate how little loving eyes would see you through their camera lens and then love yourself, it can be the hardest thing to do in the world, but it spreads farther than you’ll ever know.
Cheers and happy thoughts.
❤ Mama Cat.